All I Want
by caro1414
Summary: If you loved me, why'd you leave me… [Logan x Rory] OC


_**A/N: This popped into my head when I couldn't sleep. I probably could have worked on other stories, but sometimes one-shots are fun. This is set a little over 20 years after the finale. As always, italics are memories, and if the italics are centered they are lyrics.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, or the lyrics to the song "All I Want" by Kodaline - if I did, I would probably have a lot more money :)**_

_So you brought out the best of me,_

_A part of me I'd never seen._

_You took my soul and wiped it clean._

_Our love was made for movie screens._

"Sweetheart, it's time for bed." Logan Huntzberger knocked gently on the door to his daughter's bedrooms. He knew to knock first, she was nearly 18 and she _needed _her privacy.

"Come in." Mackenzie Huntzberger told him softly as the door cracked open, "Can we have a drink or something? I'm not tired." she explained as she looked up from where she was sitting on the floor, a grey shag rug provided a small amount of padding from the hardwood floors. She had covered the floor with old pictures, something she only did a few times a year, or when she was feeling particularly nostalgic about something.

"You're too young to drink." Logan stated simply as he took a seat beside her. He was too old for this. He was nearing his late fourties, and suddenly rolling around on the ground wasn't exactly something he enjoyed. "Mac, what is wrong?"

"I'm going to college in a few weeks." she stated simply, tucking her brunette curls behind her ear.

"I know, I'm going to miss you here." he told her as he picked up a photo, one of Mackenzie on his shoulders when she was about 4. He smiled as he stroked his thumb over the photo, Mackenzie had been the best surprise of his life. She hadn't been planned, she had been a surprise, and their life hadn't always been perfect, but he loved her unconditionally.

"I can't believe I'm going to Harvard." Mackenzie looked up at him with her blue eyes sparkling. She was telling the truth, she was surprised that she had chosen Harvard given that Yale had practically run through her blood. Her Mother and Father had gone to Yale, her Grandfather, her Aunt, her Great Grandparents, but she had wanted to go to Harvard. Nothing surprised her more than when she had told Logan that she had chosen Harvard and rather than looking disappointed, or hurt, he had held her close and told her how proud he was.

"You will be amazing." Logan put the photo down and leaned back to rest on his arms, "I am sure of that."

"Would she be proud of me?" Mackenzie picked up a photo from Logan's wedding, it had occurred 20 years earlier, and all there was left of those moments was the stories she heard, and the photos that Mackenzie had managed to find over the years.

"She would be beyond proud of you." Logan told her, his eyes glassing over as he spoke, "Kenzie," he used her nickname, "when I met your Mom, all she wanted to do was be a great reporter. She was determined to take the world by storm, and she did, but after we had you, she once told me that all she felt was love. Your Mom wanted to be superwoman for you. She was so excited to see what kind of a person you would become. She would have been proud of you if you had decided to go to clown college, and she would have been proud of you if you had wanted to go to cooking school, and I know she would be proud of you for going to Harvard. She would also be thrilled that you inherited her addiction to coffee and to books. So many parts of you, but especially those parts of you...they are all from your Mom."

"Tell me about her." Mackenzie picked up another photo, one of Rory holding her in the hospital after she was born. Logan was right, you could see in the photo how much Rory loved the little girl she was holding.

Logan sighed, he had done this many times in the 13 years since Rory had died. When Mackenzie felt as though she was missing out on something that her Mom should have been there for, or when she was having a bad day, or when some stupid, childish boy in school broke her heart, Mackenzie would start by asking Logan to do something she knew she wouldn't be allowed to do, like have a drink, and follow it up with a request to talk about Rory. "Your mom was fierce." Logan began, "She was so much like your Grandma, she was passionate, but she was also so structured, which as you know is the opposite of Lorelai. Your mom... she hated the idea that something could happen without a plan, and without careful consideration. When she and I met, she literally used a pro-con list to plan out every major milestone in her life. I am pretty sure that when she agreed to marry me, she had a pro-con list."

"I wasn't planned." Mackenzie interjected.

"You are right." Logan nodded, "She didn't plan for you, and she didn't plan for us to elope at City Hall in New York City with a dress she had bought at H&M just a few hours earlier. Those are the two things I know she did that were completely...spontaneous, and I think if she were here, she would tell you those were the two best things she had ever done."

"I wish she was here."

"I wish she was too." Logan nodded, it would have been easier for him, and for Mackenzie if Rory had been alive. "I wanted to grow old with her, I wanted to watch you grow up with her...instead...I have to believe that she is watching over us, making sure that we are ok." he told her as his eyes scanned the carpet, looking at the various photos, all of them snapshots into moments when they had been happy, and everything had been the way it was supposed to be.

Logan could remember the moment clearly. He saw the newsreel as it ran across the bottom of his television. Sure, he had spilled his coffee for no apparent reason while he sat at his desk at 10:43 in the morning, it had been a Tuesday, and the handle had simply fallen off his mug. His immediate reaction was to curse and call for his assistant to bring him a new shirt, and a new coffee. It was a few minutes later, at 10:54 that he had looked at the television as he pulled on the light blue dress shirt that he knew why his cup had broken at 10:43.

_Shots fired at New York Times headquarters- at least 4 confirmed dead, and 8 injured as former employee goes on shooting rampage...this story is developing_

He could still see the black letters scrolling across the screen as panic rose in his voice. He shouted for his assistant as he fumbled for his cellphone. He frantically called her number for over an hour as he tried to get to New York Presbyterian Hospital through the traffic. On more than one occasion he had considered getting out of the black sedan and running through the streets. He had only stopped calling Rory once, and that was to call Lorelai. To tell her to come, to tell her that she needed to get to Mackenzie, and she needed to get the family.

By the time Logan had reached the hospital, he knew that if she wasn't gone already, she would be soon. He didn't cry, he remained stoic as he was told what he already knew to be true. Rory had been shot, the shooter didn't mean to shoot her, but Rory had stepped in front of her editor to try to protect him. She had been selfless and courageous, and now she was in a hospital bed, machines keeping her alive so that her family could say goodbye.

"_You should know that she died a hero." Doyle had told him as they stood at the funeral home. Logan in a black suit, watching as Paris entertained Mackenzie who was thankfully too young to understand what was happening. "She did something amazing."_

"_Something amazing for him, I know." Logan bit his bottom lip as he spoke. Archer Grant. Logan knew him from the business, Logan had never been a big fan of Archer, but he knew that Rory had liked him, and he had to believe Rory had a reason for choosing his life over her own. Maybe she had thought that Brandon, the shooter, wouldn't shoot if Rory stepped in. Those were things Logan would never know. "Thank you both for staying...it uh...it means a lot." Logan put his hand on Doyle's shoulder._

"_We wouldn't be anywhere else. You are family to us." Doyle told him, a far cry from Doyle's opinion of Logan when they had been in college together._

"Dad?" Mackenzie's voice brought Logan out of his trance, "Why didn't you ever get re-married?"

Logan shrugged, he had dated, he had enjoyed the company of various different women throughout the years, but he had never wanted to bring someone into his life on a permanent basis, he had never wanted Mackenzie to think of someone else as her mother. "I just never found the right person. It's hard...you spend so many years looking for the right person, and when you find them, you think you are going to have the rest of your lives to be together...I guess I was just happy with our family as it was. I still am."

"Aren't you going to get lonely with me gone?" Mackenzie continued.

"Kenzie where is this going?" Logan asked knowingly, she had spent the last year or so trying to set him up with the mother of her best friend. "I will be fine, I have work, and I have your Aunt Honor, and your cousins...I will not turn into a crazy cat lady." he assured her.

"I think if you just went on a date with her, you might like her." Mackenzie continued.

"Michelle is a very nice woman." Logan agreed, he had known her for years, for as long as their kids had been friends, "But one of the things I loved about your Mom was her passion. Her longing for life, her thirst for knowledge, and the way she wanted to spread all of that knowledge around the world." Logan grabbed a photo of Rory from when she was reporting on an election in Afghanistan, she had been hesitant to take the job because it was when Mackenzie was only 5 months old, but ultimately she had gone, and her smile in the photo made it clear that it was the right decision. "Kenzie, I have dated, I have dated many woman of different backgrounds, before I met your Mom...I mean, this is an over share, but I didn't really have a problem finding a date. The point is, I am happy. I am happy being a Dad, and a businessman, and an Uncle, and a Brother. Those are all hats I am happy to wear. I don't want to date anyone right now."

"Don't you think Mom would have wanted you to move on?"

"Sweetheart, I have moved on. I miss your Mom, every single day, but you need to understand that just because I haven't re-married doesn't mean that I am waiting for Mom. I know she is gone." Logan exhaled, silently wishing he had just given her the drink when she had asked for it.

"Tell me something I never knew about her."

"She said no." Logan told her honestly, referring to when he had proposed to Rory the first time.

"She said no?" Mackenzie repeated.

"When I asked her to marry me, she said no." Logan smiled at the memory, "I asked at a big party in front of a bunch of strangers and acquaintances and boring old rich people. She waited, she thought about it, and then she told me that she needed time, and she needed to find herself before she could marry me. She knew that becoming a Huntzberger would change things for her, and she wanted to take on the world by herself first." he continued, "So I said no. I said it was now or never. I was moving to California, and I wanted her with me."

"Mom turned you down?" Mackenzie was shocked, she certainly hadn't heard that story before.

"So she left, and I walked away, stubborn, full of...myself I guess would be the best way to say it. Then about 5 months later, my Grandpa, Elias, he died. So I came back to town, and Aunty Hon was pregnant with Aly, I looked at her, and I looked at Josh and how happy they were and realized what a jackass I had been. So your Mom, being...ever the diplomat, she came to the funeral. Even though my family hadn't always been kind to her, she came to express her condolences."

"Why didn't Grandma and Grandpa like her?" Mackenzie interrupted the story. Her Grandparents, on both sides had always told her the most glowing things about Rory.

"It was a bit more complicated than whether or not they liked her." Logan explained, he had never told Mackenzie these stories, mainly because as a kid, she wouldn't have understood, and also because by the time Rory died, Mitchum and Shira had become much more accepting of the relationship. "As you know, we are Huntzberger's, and we have a lot of money, and well...my parents, and my family were concerned about...money." he shrugged, "There is no real reason for it, and their behaviour was deplorable." he explained, it was an issue Mackenzie hadn't faced, because no matter who she brought home as a date, he never cared how much money they had or what family they came from. Maybe it was naive of him to say he didn't care, Mackenzie went to the best private school in New York City, and was surrounded by kids with money, most of them didn't have as much as the Huntzberger's did, but he had no plans to marry his teenaged daughter off anytime soon. "But anyway, Mom came to the funeral, and then we went for a drink, and a drink became dinner, and dinner became a date, and then...we realized that we loved each other and that we both needed to give things up in order to be together...but ultimately what we wanted was to be together. So a few months later we were together again. And then one day, we were in New York, looking for an apartment, and we found this place. It was a few months after we had gotten engaged." he nodded to the space around them. He and Rory had bought the brownstone and agreed to renovate it. When they had bought the three storey home, it screamed traditional, and they would spend 2 years, and a lot of money turning it into a modern home that they loved. "So after we put in the offer, we were strolling around, and my mom kept calling, something about the wedding, and we just said forget it. We went to City Hall. Your mom was wearing that beautiful dress she had just picked up, it was light and airy, and everything about it was her. So we just got married...and we never looked back, we never thought twice because we had each other and that was all we needed. Your Grandmother was furious."

"Grandma or Nana?" Mackenzie asked, Grandma is what she had always called Lorelai, and Nana had been the title that Honor's kids had given Shira, and Mackenzie had followed suit.

"Both." Logan admitted. That was the only part of eloping that made him feel bad, knowing that Lorelai had missed out on their wedding, it was something that as he got older, as he watched Mackenzie grow up, he felt even worse about. "But they moved on...eventually, realized that your Mom and I... we had to do what was best for us."

"Would you be upset with me?"

"If you got married without telling me?" Logan asked her, receiving a nod in response. "It depends on why you did it. Your Mom and I eloped because there was a wedding being thrown for us that we didn't want. There were something like _seven hundred_ guests to be invited, of whom we wanted about _sixty _of them to be there. If you just up and got married without telling me I would feel hurt. Just like your Grandmother's did, but I would get over it." he continued, "Is there something you are trying to tell me Kenzie?"

"I really like Nate." Mackenzie looked at him, he could tell that she was worried.

"Nate." Logan nodded. Nate and Mackenzie had gone to school together for at least all of high school, and Logan couldn't decide what he thought of the kid. He was from a good family, he was respectful, and he seemed to have his head on straight. But Nate also reminded Logan of a younger version of himself. Over privileged, a smooth talker. Mackenzie and Nate had been dating for at least the past year, and although they were serious about each other, Logan was glad to see that they both had their own lives as well as being a couple. Logan had always thought that Mackenzie was too young to be in a serious relationship. "Are you two planning on getting married?" he asked tentatively.

"No!" Mackenzie gasped, "I just...sometimes I think about the future and what could happen, and sometimes I don't think I ever want to get married. But right now we are just...trying to figure out what to do. I'm going to Harvard, he is going to Princeton, what is the point of a long distance relationship? Shouldn't we both...find ourselves?"

The words resonated with Logan, he recalled something about _wide open spaces _from his younger years. "You can." he nodded, "Honey, you don't need to stay in a relationship with someone because you think you have to. But you also don't need to end a relationship because you think you should. For all you know, you and Nate could stay together and break up in six months, or six years. Or you could split up now and end up together in fifty years. We don't know what will happen, but you need to do what makes you happy. I want you to look back on these moments in your life and remember the excitement, and the joy. I don't want you to remember how you did or didn't do something because of what someone told you was right. Do what is right for you." he told her.

"When you and Mom split up, did you think you would get back together?" Mackenzie asked as Logan began to stand up.

"My knees aren't made to be crouched on the floor." Logan exhaled as he sat down on the window seat. He remembered it well, walking away from her at her graduation ceremony, so confident in his decision. Now or never. It wasn't until he got to the airport to leave that he had a horrible, sinking realization that she was gone, and he had no idea how to get her back. "No, when I walked away...I thought it was over, and my own pride, ego and stupidity kept me from going and telling her I would wait. I was lucky, your Mom and I...I like to think that we were meant to be. We were meant to find our way back to each other, and we did. I like to think we live in a world where if something is meant to be, it will be."

"Even though Mom died?"

"Even though Mom died." he nodded, "We spent a long time together, and she gave me you. So even though I miss her, and you miss her, I would rather have had those years together than none at all. And I would rather I be gone so that she could be here with you, but I don't get to make those choices."

"I wish you were both here." Mackenzie stood up, leaving the photos on the ground, "Sometimes though, I think because Mom died, I was able to create this image of this woman who I could aspire to be. I want to make her proud..."

"Whatever image you have in your head, and your heart...it is right. Your mom was...amazing, she would be so proud of you." Logan smiled at her as Mackenzie sat beside him. "You still want that drink?" he laughed.

Mackenzie chuckled and shook her head, "I should go to bed." she told him.

"You're right." Logan agreed, "You should go to bed, and I have some more work to do."

"What is it like...?" Mackenzie paused as she leaned her head against Logan's shoulder, the same way she had done when she was a little girl. To the rest of the world, Logan Huntzberger was a business man, he was ruthless and he was powerful. To Mackenzie Emily Huntzberger, Logan was merely her father. He was the man who taught her how to ride a bike, and who put bandaids on her knee when she fell. He was the man who took her shopping for a prom dress, and the man who had sent her on her grad trip to Cabo even though he had been so scared to do it. "To be so powerful...to be responsible for so much?"

"It is amazing, and it is terrifying." Logan told her honestly, squeezing her shoulder towards him, "Honestly it is a lot like being a parent. You want what is best for your company, and sometimes that means being ruthless, and making decisions that people don't like, but ultimately they are for the best in my line of work. In my lifetime, I have seen the press go from being completely paper, and now we have to work with the internet, and social media, and that is a tough learning curve for some people to grasp. I don't like being ruthless, I don't like being harsh, but it is my job to make sure that HPG makes money."

"I would like to work there one day."

"You can do whatever you want Kenzie. You don't have to, but you can. This company...it is a part of who you are, but it isn't the only part of who you are."

_But if you loved me_

_Why'd you leave me?_


End file.
